Super Homeowner,  Super Mom,  Super Self Care

Strong Black Woman: is that REALLY the GOAL?

You all know the song…

“I-n-d-e-p-e-n-d-e-n-t do you know what that mean mayne?

I-n-d-e-p-e-n-d-e-n-t do you know what that mean?

She got her own house

She got her own car

Two jobs, work hard, you a bad broad”

Or what about this one…

“The shoes on my feet, I bought it

The clothes I’m wearing, I bought it

The rock I’m rockin’, I bought it

‘Cause I depend on me ifI want it

The watch I’m wearin’, I’ve bought it

The house I live in, I’ve bought it

The car I’m driving, I’ve bought it

I depend on me, I depend on me

All the women, who are independent…”

But NO. F$&@? that!! First of all, peace is my number one priority with financial peace being in my top three!! There is no logical way on earth for me to take care of myself, take care of my children, pay all the bills in the house, work a full-time job, be an aspiring entrepreneur, manage the yard work, clean the house, and please don’t get me started on taking out the damn trash!! HOW SWAY?!?! Here’s the thing. You can say, “But Cari, you do it. You’re the bomb!”  Ummmm… let’s be clear, I don’t want to do all of that!  I do it because I have NO CHOICE!

You don’t want to date me because you don’t think you can be in charge?!?!  Please come be a fucking alpha male. BE IN CHARGE! I don’t want to make decisions. Not all of them, and not every day. I make decisions all day everyday from the little things of picking out everyone’s clothes for the day to how I’m going to pay my bills, hire at work, and build my business. It’s exhausting! I want you to come be in charge. Pay some bills, plan some projects, mow the lawn, and take out the trash. But guess what? I don’t have that luxury so I have to do it myself!

I’m just tired-mentally, physically and emotionally. I’m sick of being a “strong black woman” because I have no other choice and then I’m penalized for doing so. It’s like I’m screwed if I do and screwed if I don’t when it comes to men. By no means am I saying the sole purpose for having a man is to take out the trash and manage the yard.  I am saying that life is not meant to be lived by YOURSELF.  I’m going to take this super religious on y’all. In the book of Genesis it reads, “God created man and the Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’ So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.” (Genesis 2:18, 20-22 NIV).

Superwoman.  Super Twin Mom.  Super Single Mom. Strong Black Woman. While we glorify these women who truly STEP UP TO THE PLATE (myself included), in no way am I condoning the fact that this is okay. It’s NOT and today, if you’ve never heard it before, I’ll be the first to step up and say I want HELP!  And I’m not talking about that superficial BS help. I mean I want to be married and live my life with a TRUE partner and that takes the commitment of two people, both putting in 100%.

I was speaking to my good girlfriend the other day and we talked about dating. She’s married and she told me I need to know exactly what I want and ask God for him.  I know that I’m sick of being the HBIC in EVERY portion of my life, but what should marriage look like from a biblical standpoint?  How should I act as a wife? What should I expect from my future husband?

According to Fierce Marriage Devotional, “A husband and wife in a gospel-centered marriage never expect each other to be perfect. Instead, they fully expect to fall short and always trust that Jesus is more than enough to meet their every need (2 Peter 1:3). They also expect to experience repentance regularly from both sides of the equation. That’s the beauty of grace-fueled sanctification within the safety of covenant marriage—both spouses see their imperfection while valuing repentance as the character-refining work of the Holy Spirit.”

From talking to my friend and from what I’ve read over time, marriage is completely a biblical thing. Therefore, I need to make sure I’m connected to the SOURCE in order for Him to reveal to me who my future husband is.  Maybe this “Strong, Independent, Super Twin Mom” can’t stop taking out the trash or doing yard work JUST YET, but I can give it to God. I can focus on Him and not worry about trying to find someone because God’s got that covered for me.  I can take that off the list of things I have to make the final say on! 🙌🏽  Clearly it’s easier said than done, but I can at least try and remind myself that I’m doing the right things in caring for my family. If it comes off as though I don’t want a man to be the head of my household, I pray that God reveals to him that ain’t the case! 💁🏽‍♀️

What are your thoughts? How do you feel about the “Strong Black Woman” comment? I know I can’t wait to “take my cape off” like she did!




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